sleepy shots taken during a gas station stop on a car trip from georgia to colorado.
eric is such a worker and a helper i will always marvel.
It's the end of Monday and I'm happy for a long day of solid work, a 3 block walk in the hazy afternoon sunshine to 'Sunflower Market' to meet my boy, a sample of sliced lunch meat before buying a whole bundle and a simmering evening with sausage, fleetwood mac, and a little bit of phil collins for good measure. I'm thankful for a short and sleepy pillow chat before Eric was gone for the night. Now I'm up letting my mind wander down from it's place high in the clamour of the day. Usually after Eric goes to sleep--when his breath becomes rhythmic and his body is still and low--- I slip out from under the covers and go find something to do.
I am thinking tonight about how much I change my mind about myself. Do you know this feeling? If I'm feeling good, it's because hey, I am good. I've always felt good and I always will. How could I ever doubt it? I'm going good places, meeting lovely people and becoming the person I always thought I would be. All is well if not completely perfect. And it's funny how all it takes it one awkward moment, one bad conversation or exhaustion during a hot day at work and I'm so unhappy with who I am, where I am and where I'm going.
Simply put, this is where I return: I was created within my spot in the world. I am loved by the source of love. I am achingly valuable simply by existing. It is poignant to feel alone and miserable. It is a blessing to feel otherwise. In the bliss and sweat of it all there is sacredness and truth.
But ultimately, and most wonderful of all, I am not/don't have to be the center of my existance. I needn't go up and down with myself all day long wondering who I am in the midst of it. (I can, but I'd only become dizzy and maybe a little sick.) There is something so much bigger and better that demands my attention.
The answer is not to figure out myself. The answer is to shift my focus (completely. entirely. utterly. and only by grace.)
"Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me" Matthew 25:40
1 comment:
Kyrie, you just don't know how much this post blessed me.
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