wishing and hoping and praying

...why is it that everybody and everything is so gloriously beautiful only after you've left it?

all im thinking about as i walk through these yet-to-be-personalized streets and watch all these unfamiliar faces stroll by is that i am part the most amazing circle of people and i've lived in the most beautiful places.

i'm thinking...

i miss helen's girly laugh, her princess eyes and her spunk. sienna comforts my soul the way no one else can..annie is precious...katie makes me laugh so hard..liz is so full of life--dandan and mikey are the two best guy friends ever!---i miss davey!! and kiko's cute laugh and vincent's concern and jessie's good words to me.  i miss the WALLBALLERS! chelschels and her pearl earrings and high socks.  i miss emma's humor and my first year fourth southers...scotty..jonnie always waiting in my room for me when i would bustle in and out between classes. always sweet and kind and funny. jess high gushing over how much she loved the howard girls and planning shopping trips we never took.  luke irwin and davey studying in the office we snuck into at night--holding on to a thread of knowledge while they whisked  through all the CHAM slides. 

...as i'm sitting in a dimly lit classsroom learning about my mac.

then i sit and have to write an essay for a placement test...

the salvatores are from heaven. how did i ever find a friend like linnea?  my dad is so good with money and so thoughtful. he's amazing. how did he do it?  how does he do it? how does mom do it? how is she so friendly to people? how can i be more like that?  how did brae do this whole philly independent thing...she is amazing!! i'm so proud of her.  i miss julie drexler! how easily she's is just herself.  i miss ellie's little outfits walking past my door and bethany's art creations and all her encouragements to come here to philly. i start realizing bethany's words were a huge part of me coming here...and tobi!  her and her dark rimmed glasses and adorable cardigans. starbucks with taryn and eric..

 ...i close the test booklet and give it to the stone faced woman at the front of the auditorium..

i find chalice waiting in the lobby for me and hear her talk about how she got a 30$ parking ticket and i rush outside to defrost myself from the stinging AC...

..i can't wait for annie to come visit me. and mrs. kate and all these people who have promised to come. eric's coming in september--my very best friend--how lucky i am to have someone to cares for me so deeply and with whom i feel most like myself.  he's the bounce in my step. i can't wait to visit covenant and see all those darling faces again... to remember how i used to shuffle along those walkways and faded carpets..

..then monica walks by. she just finished her writing placement test too and i wave as she slows down and heads towards me. she's a commuter too and a transfer and just moved to the city from new jersey.  she told me she's sad about leaving her church back home and thinks she'll travel an hour to go back to it every sunday. and suddenly, fifteen minutes into the conversation i feel myself landing in the moment. i'm not thinking backwards about everything and everywhere that i've left behind but just laughing and talking about locking your bike to a piece of art that is NOT a bike rack. 

i'm hoping that someday i'll look back at philly and think it was gloriously beautiful and think my time spend here was much too short because of all the interesting people i found and the cool things i got to do.  right now however, it's only a dream.